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Philip had looked forward with apprehension to the day on which Mildred was to be married he was expecting an intolerable anguish and it was with relief that he got a letter from Hayward on Saturday morning to say that he was coming up early on that very day and would fetch Philip to help him to find rooms. Philip, anxious to be distracted, looked up a time table and discovered the only train Hayward was likely to come by he went to meet him, and the reunion of the friends was enthusiastic. They left the luggage at the station, and set off gaily. Hayward characteristically proposed that first of all they should go for an hour to the National Gallery he had not seen pictures for some time, and he stated that it needed a glimpse to set him in tune with life. Philip for months had had no one with whom he could talk of art and books. 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They got capital seats for sixpence each, high up but not in the gallery, and the night was so fine that there was plenty of room. Mildred s eyes glistened. She enjoyed herself thoroughly. There was a simple mindedness in her which touched Philip. She was a puzzle to him. Certain things in her still pleased him, and he thought that there was a lot in her which was very good she had been badly brought up, and her life was hard he had blamed her for much that she could not help and it was his own fault if he had asked virtues from her which it was not in her power to give. Under different circumstances she might have been a charming girl. She was extraordinarily unfit for the battle of life. As he watched her now in profile, her mouth slightly open and that cheap arsenal t shirts delicate flush on her cheeks, he thought she looked strangely virginal. He felt an overwhelming compassion for her, and with all his heart he forgave her for the misery she had caused him. The smoky atmosphere made Philip s eyes ache, but when he suggested going she turned to him with beseeching face and asked him to stay till the end. He smiled and consented. She took his hand and held it for the rest of the performance. When they streamed out with the audience into the crowded street she did not want to go home they wandered up the Westminster Bridge Road, looking at the people. I ve not had such a good time as this for months, she said. Philip s heart was full, and he was thankful to the fates because he had carried out his sudden impulse to take Mildred and her baby into his flat. It was very pleasant to see her happy gratitude. At last she grew tired and they jumped on a tram to go home it was late now, and when they got down and turned into their own street there was no one about. Mildred slipped her arm through his. It s just like old times, Phil, she said. She had never called him Phil before, that was what Griffiths called him and even now it gave him a curious pang. He remembered how much he had wanted to die then his pain had been so great that he had thought quite seriously of committing suicide. It all seemed very long agovagely as he thought of her gentility and the refinement with which she ate her food she could not bear a coarse word, so far as her limited vocabulary reached she had a passion for euphemisms, and she scented indecency everywhere she never spoke of trousers but referred to them as nether garments she thought it slightly indelicate to blow her nose and did it in a germany home kit deprecating way. She was dreadfully anaemic and suffered from the dyspepsia germany home kit which accompanies that ailing. Philip was repelled by her flat breast and narrow hips, and he hated the vulgar way in which she did her hair. He loathed and despised himself for loving her. The fact remained that he was helpless. He felt just as he had felt sometimes in the hands of a bigger boy at school. He had struggled against the superior strength till his own strength was gone, and he was rendered quite powerless he remembered the peculiar languor he had felt in his limbs, almost as though he were paralysed so that he could not help himself at all. He might have been dead. He felt just that same weakness now. childrens football kits uk He loved the woman so that he knew he had never loved before. He did not mind her faults of person or of character, he thought he loved them too at all events they meant nothing to him. It did not seem himself that was concerned he felt that he had been seized by some strange force that moved him against his will, contrary to his interests and because he had a passion for freedom he hated the chains which bound him. He laughed at himself when he thought how often he had longed to experience the overwhelming passion. He cursed himself because he had given way to it. He thought of the beginnings nothing of all this would have happened if he had not gone into the shop with Dunsford. The whole thing was his own fault. Except for his ridiculous vanity he would germany home kit never have troubled himself with the ill mannered slut. At all events the occurrences of that evening had finished the whole affair. Unless he was lost to all sense of shame he could not go back. He wanted passionately to get rid of the love that obsessed him it was degrading and hateful. He must prevent himself from thinking of her. germany home kit In a little while the anguish he suffered must grow less. His mi. nd went back to the past. He wondered whether Emily Wilkinson and Fanny Price had endured on his account anything like the torment that he suffered now. He felt a pang of remorse. I didn t know then what it was like, he said to himself. He slept very ba.
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